Awww...how sweet! You're back again! Hope you enjoy your visit with the Peapod Squad!
Oh how I adore my children. Truly. I begged God for a family for five long, heart-wrenching, faith-challenging, painful years and have spent the last five thanking Him profusely for these little blessings.
But…
There are days when I feel like my patience is non-existent. When I wonder how on earth I’m going to make it with even a tiny bit of my sanity. When I end the day face down in a pillow feeling like an epic failure as a mother.
And there are times when I want to stand in a sound-proofed room and scream at the top of my lungs. SERENITY NOW!!!
Like now. I just spent the last half hour yelling at my daughter because she was being completely irrational and unreasonable with her bedtime requests and stalling tactics. Ugh.
But oh my golly gee willikers, why can’t the child just make sense?!?!?! She spent forever fussing about how her brother had more stuff in his bed than she did. She knew this because she counted. Out loud. Repeatedly.
Sweet: He has 15 things in his bed, Mommy. And I only have one-two-three-four-five-six-seven things! That’s not fair! I need more stuff so I can be comfy, too.
Me: I don’t care how many things your brother has, you are going to lie down and go to sleep right now!
Sweet: But it’s not fair! He has 15 and I only have one-two-three-four-five-six-seven things!
Me: You keep fussing about it and you’ll have none. Now go to sleep.
Sweet: Then I’ll REALLY be upset and I’ll never stop crying.
Me: Good night. I’m not arguing about this anymore. You need to go to sleep now.
Sweet Pea continues to cry and fuss and count for a long time. Then she starts yelling something different. I go in to see her throwing stuffed animals OUT of her bed.
Me: What on earth are you doing now?
Sweet: I can’t sleep because there’s too much stuff in my bed!
Really. How can I NOT lose my mind?
But how can I prepare myself mentally and spiritually to teach a bunch of teenage girls a Sunday School lesson about kindness tomorrow morning after I’ve lost my cool with my own daughter tonight? Ugh. It’s so hard to be a mom.
Serenity Now. And patience. And forgiveness. And a clean slate for tomorrow…
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{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
Love you, and love your honesty. You are an amazing mother, and I KNOW that you will be/are an awesome teacher.
Just today I was screaming at the girls in the car…I felt bad, and like a terrible mother. But we all do it, and we all are doing the best we can with what little patience we have left…it’s shocking that we haven’t pulled all our hair out
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Praying for you, friend!
Ever wondered why I have gray hair and some of it has fallen out? Hang in there. When I look at you and your precious family and see my grown up son, I know it is worth it all. Love you.
Oh heavens…I struggle with the same thing. I love ‘em to pieces, but I just loose it sometimes. And I *do* feel like a hypocrite sometimes when I’m teaching the kids at church(and even my own kids) about making good choices. But thank goodness for grace, redemption, love & all those other wonderful things that God continues to pour over me(and my poor choices).
xoxo