Parents everywhere…can I get an “Amen?”
I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately. It seems like kids in general are getting less and less respectful. And they are caring very little about consequences. I see it at the mall. I hear about it from my husband and friends who are school teachers. I even notice it at church. And it’s frightening.
I take this job of parenting very seriously. It’s the single most important job I’ve ever had. It’s also the hardest. Because while the pay isn’t all that great, the consequences of my screwing it up are HUGE. (I don’t mean to exclude fathers in this…but my personal experience is obviously that of a mother and I’m speaking for myself here.)
And it is NOT my job to be nice. Do I want to model kindness? Yes. Do I want to show grace? Yes. But does that mean being what my kids will consider “nice” all the time? Absolutely not.
Of course I want my kids to love me. But if they don’t like me sometimes? Well as unpleasant as that may be, I can’t let it deter me from enforcing the things we have determined are important to our family in terms of behavior and values.
When I discipline my children, I’m often met with cries of “You’re not nice! I don’t like you anymore! I’m gonna’ get another family!” It hurts my feelings. I hate it. But I know they don’t mean it. They always end up coming to apologize once they’ve calmed down. And I know I’m doing the right thing.
I’d rather they face consequences of their actions now…when those consequences are things like a time-out or losing a treasured toy or missing out on a fun outing. Hopefully this will mean they will have learned enough to avoid the much more dangerous consequences that are out there for later in life.
I know parents, though, who are so determined to be their child’s best friend. And really? Gracious, I couldn’t stand my mom when I was a teenager(sorry, Mom). But it’s because she didn’t let me do, wear, go, or say whatever I wanted. And I am SO THANKFUL now. I had friends. I had lots of great friends. She was my only mom, though. And it was her responsibility to help me navigate the tough waters of growing up with as few scars as possible. Even if that meant me thinking she was an idiot.
So I pray that I’ll have the courage to guide these precious gifts as they avoid the pitfalls and traps that life will put out for them. Even if I get this face a lot…
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{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
When the girls would get upset at me because I was discipling them I would tell them. I was entrusted to care for you by God. And when the time comes and I am held accountable by my actions I just want you to know that I am more scared of Him than of your hissy fit. So get over it.
Also….AMEN!
i love that whole “i’m more afraid of him than of your hissy fits”…will file it away for future use!
Amen, ladies. Well said, Monica. We handicap our children in many ways that we can not help. Please God, let us not handicap them by being their best pal and seeking to have them like us. Our calling is not to be liked but to be faithful to the lives that we have chosen to care for, nurture and support into adulthood. healthy, responsible, and contributing to the world adulthood.
Love you!
AMEN! remember I was the worst mom last week… I so empathize, sympathize and totally understand. Keep doing your job. One day they’ll thank you for it.
sorry forgot to unbold after the I
oh I am so with you on this!
I want my kid to have ‘adult friends’ that they can turn to, people who are wise and experienced and not their parents….but I’m their mother, not their friend.
Amen! I am so with you. I’m not in this to be their best friend, I need to be the mom. Thanks for sharing, I needed this today.
Amen! And to the other ladies here too! My 5 yr old daughter has this thing about telling us we’re her best friend all the time, but then she’ll say we’re not when she is upset with one of us. I have told her at least a few times that that is fine, I’m your mother first and we don’t have to be best of friends. I will be stating that when she’s a teenager too!