The One Where I Take the Wrong Kid to the Pediatrician

by Monica on September 7, 2009

ear thermometerYes, you read that correctly. Go ahead and laugh. Everyone else has. And yes, I remember that episode of Everybody Loves Raymond. You don’t have to remind me of the parallels.

Sweet and Split have each been to the pediatric after-hours center (Friday night and then Saturday morning) during this fabulous holiday weekend. Both were prescribed amoxicillin for strep (confirmed with Split, probable with Sweet). Last night, Snap started saying his throat hurt. I took his temp and sure enough…fever. It was too late to go to the doctor, though, so I did a bad thing (and have been adequately admonished). I gave him a dose of Split’s amoxicillin. My thought was that we’d call the following (this) morning and he’d end up with his own rx anyway…may as well get a jump on things. Our regular pediatrician always just calls something in for the third kid down in our family. It’s pretty obvious that it’s the same thing, so why make us jump through hoops? Yay, regular pediatrician. I love him.

The doc on call, however, insisted that we bring Snap in today. Ugh. I schlepped back over there with Snap, knowing I’d have to face the music and admit I’d given him his brother’s meds.

OK. That’s your background. Still with me? ‘Cause it’s about to get good.

This place is a veritable HOT ZONE. Sick kids packed in like sardines. Coughing. Sneezing. Pigfluenza. Yippee. We sit there FOREVER until it’s finally our turn. Nurse does flu test and strep test. Both negative. Snap has no fever. The doctor comes in and this is how it all goes down.

Dr: Well, what brings you in today? What symptoms is this handsome dude having?

Me: He’s a triplet…blah, blah, blah…he had a fever and said he had a sore throat and I…

Snap (interrupting): No I didn’t.

Me: No you didn’t what?

Snap: I didn’t say I had a sore throat. My throat’s fine, Mommy.

Dr: Well let’s just run a CBC to see if there are any flags for viral or bacterial infection.

(nurse comes in and pricks finger and leaves again)

Dr returns: This boy is not sick.

Me (sheepishly): Well, you should know that I gave him some of his brother’s antibiotic because I was just certain he’d be getting his own rx today anyway.

Dr (sternly): That’s not a good idea, Mom. Blah, blah, blah. (lecture continues, but I’ll spare you)

Me: Well, could that have made him appear well today?

Dr: It may have interfered with the rapid strep test, but it wouldn’t have made his blood work completely normal. This child is not sick.

Snap: See, Mommy? I’m fine.

Dr: You said your boys are identical, right? Are you sure you brought the right one in? I mean…you did say you’ve had sick and cranky kids home with you off and on for a couple of weeks. I don’t imagine you’ve gotten much rest yourself. (God bless him for trying to make me feel better after he’s revealed my idiocy.)

Me: Surely I know my own children. It was this child who told me he had a sore throat. It was this child who had the fever.

Snap: But Mommy. I didn’t say that. I’m not sick!

Snap then turns to the doctor: Can I still have a lollipop?

(So, just to clarify: I apparently had the sore throat discussion with Split last night. You know…the one who already had been to the pediatrician yesterday…the one we knew was sick. I thought I was talking to Snap. In my defense, they do look just alike. And I am really tired.)

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