Someone needs to drill that into my head. Fast. Before I further stifle my children. I am SO paranoid about everything and so overly concerned with cleanliness. I just don’t seem to be able to stop myself. I’m terrified of losing one of my precious ones. I mean TERRIFIED. Irrationally so. If I read something about children being killed in a car accident, I’m petrified of mine being next. If I read about a child abduction, I’m afraid to take my babies anywhere for weeks. And I obsess about germs…so much so that I almost never let them play outside and NEVER in any kind of public ball pit or such (Chuck E. Cheese will be my worst nightmare when they’re old enough to ask for that). A few times, they’ve played on the outdoor playground at Burger King. But I use about a bottle of Purell before it’s all said and done.
And yet…they need to play and be "normal" children. I know I cannot live life in fear of the possibility of an accident or tragedy. I know all of this. I can rationalize all of it in my rattled brain. But then when the time comes…umm…my neuroses win out. Virtually without fail.
To say I adore the peapod squad is among the grossest of understatements. They are my very life. More precious than the air I breathe. For five very long, very painful years we prayed…no…BEGGED…for a family. We tried every treatment, every surgery, every conventional and unconventional method proposed to us in our efforts to make a baby. And throughout this pregnancy, I was more afraid of the what-if’s than happy about the finally-are’s. I’d lost babies before and was just sure I’d lose these, too. Having finally cleared those hurdles, I look at these miraculous beings placed in my care and know beyond a doubt that I’d not survive losing them.
While I don’t want to go too far the other direction and become a complacent mom who just lets my children do whatever whenever however, I desperately want to be able to relax into this motherhood skin enough to truly enjoy what I have…three spectacular blessings. I want to trust my reality more. I want to treasure the moments rather than dread them.
Any great sage words of wisdom from my readers? Anyone feel my pain?
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{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
I’m the same. I can’t even read the newspaper without getting freaked out and upset. I see the danger in everything since I had children. It’s hard to relax…you have to be alert but how easily we overdo it
Maybe as they get older, it will be a little easier for you to let go of your fear.
I was pretty paranoid about my son when he was little, too. I had to go back to work right after he was born and didn’t even trust my own mother to take good care of him. I had all of the nightmares – that he would be injured, abducted or worse. I think it’s pretty typical for moms to feel that way. It becomes a problem when it keeps you from functioning or them from experiencing the world. Take baby steps. Let them get a little dirty – it won’t kill them. Generations of children have actually eaten mudpies to no ill effect. :0) On the other hand, there’s lots of evidence that using too many anti-bacterial products can be harmful. Are you involved with playgroups? Do you have a trusted friend who could keep them from time to time? Maybe just for half-an-hour at first, while you run a few errands, then working up to longer separations? It’s so hard to entrust our children to someone else, but it’s something we need to do, for oursleves as well as for them. Try to do one “letting go” thing every day – one small thing. Not letting go of your babies, but of your fears. You’ll all benefit.
My “baby” will be thirty-seven years old this month. He somehow survived all of my ineptness. Love covers a lot of mistakes. I had (still have) it by the bucketload, and you do, too. I’m sending you a big hug of confidence. You can do this!
I could have written this post. I am the same way. It is a terrible way to be in my mind because as you mentioned you miss so much by worrying. I am hoping it get a little better as they get older, but I doubt it with how crazy this world is..
You’re not the only one. I had people tell me I would relax once my kids got a little older, but even now with my youngest almost three, I still worry! I have times of calm, but I get really anxious during flu season, or when I hear about something yucky going around. When it made me afraid to go out, I talked to my doc about it and was diagnosed with obsessive-compulsive disorder. The treatment really helps me deal with all the worries. Don’t be afraid to get help. Just my 2 cents.