Since going back to work outside of home, I’ve REALLY neglected my blog. It’s not that I haven’t written. I have. I’ve written in a good old-fashioned pen-and-paper journal. I’ve posted on facebook. I’ve even written several posts for here. But…my ridiculous need to get it just right has kept stuff in draft. I hesitate before clicking “publish” because I don’t feel like I’ve taken my time and gotten the words all right. Maybe I haven’t included the perfect photo, the witty quote, whatever. So I save the draft and get back to life.
The thing is…my posts are never going to be perfect. They will never please my unhealthy need for perfection. But then, my LIFE is not perfect. I am seriously flawed. I fail my children. I fail my husband. I fail my friends. I fail my parents. I fail my students. I certainly fail my Creator. They have all found ways to love me anyway, so I’m working on that as well.
This place online is special to me. It’s mine. It’s where I’m fully Monica. I’m not just mommy-0f-triplets Monica. I’m not just music-teacher Monica. I’m not just minister’s wife and minister’s daughter Monica. I’m ALL Monica. It’s a place to be real…to be funny, to be serious, to be pensive, to be penitent. It’s my journal, and I share it to be transparent with myself and to perhaps relate to someone out there who needs to be real with themselves.
So what if it’s not all prolific or profound? I’m going to try to find a way to be OK with that, because I need this outlet. So this weekend I’m going to publish the drafts I’ve got sitting here waiting for over-editing. I’m going to get back to my blog. Because, while I LOVE my new job and am finding fulfillment in many ways I barely remembered possible, I miss blogging. I miss sharing life with you.
I’m back. And nuttier than ever! Hold on tight!
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